give me a second chance

We did it! My group for social science have finished presenting our project! One done another one to go. God I can't wait for the group project to be over. But in order to do that, I have to do da work! Which I still can't figure out! Waaaaaaa!~ Nangis lagi la aku..........

I phoned a company this morning to see if they need an industrial training student. And to my surprise, they need one. I'm so excited! But I'm careful this time, not to let my hopes to high. In case the resume went through, but they're not impressed. Just like the case of HUKM. I had very high hopes. In fact, I was so sure that I started to picture myself working there and go lunch with my mom (my mom worked near there). And I was so crushed and hopeless when I came to know that they rejected me. :(

So I'm going to post the cover letter and resume tomorrow morning. And hopefully they will take me in. Take me as I am, mister! I beg you please...

dear my finest

Gosh, I miss my guitar! I'm still here in UKM on a weekend, and I left my guitar at home due to excess baggage. Tak larat aku nak angkut balik...

And now I'm missing it. I'm also afraid that I'll forget how to play certain songs since I stopped practicing last week. And now my calluses on my fingers are peeling away little by little every day! ARGH that's my worst fear! I think it's EVERY guitarist's worst fear. If you haven't tried playing guitar before, you wouldn't know what am I fussing about here. Well, calluses are important in order to play the guitar with less pain and discomfort. When you first pick up the guitar and play it, the tips of your fingers are still soft and fretting the guitar will hurt like HELL. But as you persevere and frequently playing the guitar, calluses will start to form on the fingertips. This calluses are like the ones on a very stinky feet..hehe..but they're not stinky. They're fabulously hard and shiny. This protective layer of skin will 'numb' the pain that comes from fretting. So it's important to me. If it starts to wear out, I'll eventually go back to when I first started, pain and all! And I certainly don't want that.

:(

I miss you, MR. Guitarro. I wish I could fetch you up the next coming weekend...

That is, if my group boss doesn't prevent me to go home next week like she did this week. Huhuhuhuhuhuuuuuu~

argh! life is terrible!

This week has been very terrible for my health. I ate too much. And sleep too much.

I dunno why I like to stuff my face at around 5 PM and then right afterwards slept till 10 PM AT NIGHT! Are you kidding me?! Seriously, my soul is like a devil. "Stuff your face, Nash! Make yourself miserable!! Muahaha!"

I'm sick of this. How can somebody act like this, even after I clearly stated my goals for losing weight. And I procrastinate a lot too! Last night I only get cracking after midnight. And I drank 2 packets of instant Nescafe with ginseng to prepare my BIG night. And wow did the Nescafe worked!! I was able to keep awake till 5 AM and when I finally decided to sleep, I can't. Tossed and turned and wiggled. Around 6 AM or so baru lah boleh sleep. And I woke up at 8.30 AM to go to class. So I slept for 2 hours only. Doing what? The damn project. The registration page is so complicated to do!!! Anyone here an expert in php?? Please help me!!

And insult to injury: I been rejected by HUKM to do Industrial Training there. WAaaaaaaaa~~~ :'((

random!

Hey there! Kaybee has tagged me! I have to do the 6 random things about me...thingy. So here goes!

One:
My favorite food is chicken. Nothing to elaborate here...I just love em. And that's the main reason why I can never become a vegan! Is there a term where ppl only eats vege AND chicken only? I think not. So yeah! Chicken rules! Yummay!

Two:
I'm drawn to languages. I LOVE other languages. I feel like I NEED to learn them all. My university offered language courses, but we can only take them if we had excess merit credit left for that semester. Meaning, you have to register all the main courses that the faculty provides, and then if you have extra, you can take the language subjects. And I'm pretty stupid, so I've never got credit more than 16. Very very sad! I barely covered my compulsory subjects!! But I got over it by telling myself, "There are many other resources to learn a language!". And there ARE many other ways you can learn. Currently I listen to podcasts to learn. I wanna learn CHINESE, FRENCH, SPANISH and JAPANESE...in that order. If i were to follow my heart, I'll put SPANISH first, but I'm a realist and my parents also always advice me to think about my choice. Learning CHINESE is very urgent for me coz I need it even in Malaysia lo, since I look like one, I may as well speak like one! Muahaha! And as for FRENCH, my dad said it's important if I were to go to Europe and maybe work with my sis in France. SPANISH is my passion...it's the language of love, you know? And it sounds very good to my ears! In fact, I'm downloading SPANISH podcasts right now! And lastly, JAPANESE. Haih what can I say about this? I'm not even sure if I want to learn this one anymore...heheh.

I love languages so much that I once had an ambition to become a Translator for the Prime Minister! LOL who am I kidding!


Three:
I love arts. I just do. Although I've never really went to museums and art exhibitions of sorts. And I haven't YET try to paint(coz I'm lazy like that). But I like to observe people do arts and paint. Like on youtube. There are many painters on youtube who do these speed painting. I'm totally mesmerized by it. The reason that I don't go to art museums is simply that my family particularly my parents don't like arts...so I can't go because they won't take me. How pathetic is that?? But I'm 100% sure that when I 'redeemed' my full freedom from my parents - by having a job and a car - I will go to every single art thingies that happens around KL! That's a promise! Even performing arts!! Even orchestras!! Haha!

Four:
I'm attracted to --> Talented guys who plays music instruments...and computer nerdy guys. No need to comment here, ahaha! I find them extremely hot.

Five:
I'm an internet addict. Just give me an internet connection, and you'll find me hogging it until who knows when! Hahahaha. I just love the net...muah te quiero, internet.

Six:
I love 100 plus. Forget pepsi, forget coke! Energy drinks rules!


Okay that's all! Hope you found more about me in this post ;)...

I really don't know who to tag...so I will tag all of you who's my frequent readers and the invisible ones!

rediscovering

Forgot to talk about this...this morning I turned on to MTV and suddenly Ricky Martin appeared before me. I dunno what MTV is today, crazy or something, but they showed the very long ago unplugged concert of dear Ricky! And he was singing a song that was dear to me long time ago while I was still in primary school! How cool is that? Suddenly all my 'childhood' memory came flooding. I immediately thought about my bestie back then, Dee and SMSed her. LOL I don't know why I was so excited. It used to be our biggest kept secret: that we loved Ricky Martin. But I won't tell you guys what we called to refer to him as. Big secret!

So...if those who know me well, it is absolutely natural for me to search every damn thing about something I'm excited about. I searched limewire for all my beloved songs from Ricky Martin that I seem to forgot all the words to. Funny how we once knew a song so well it was natural to sing at that time, to totally forgot how the song goes as years go by. Artists come and go, you know. And I grow to like other artists, and much indie or singer-songwriter stuff, that sometimes I'm ashamed of the kinda artists I used to like as a teeny bopper!

It boggles me how much music played its role in my life...Someday I wanna map out my favorite artists during a timeline!

updates

I still need help with connecting database with dreamweaver using php code. Better start tonight...researching about it.

And I think I need a motivation book. I need to make myself a Diet Diary or something. I seem to not have any motivation or discipline to lose weight this week. So much of feeling the opposite just the week before!

Ok that's it. I'm sitting here at home with so many distraction...

movies!!! omgah

The past few days of the week, I've been lazying around and procrastinate. Instead of doing my revision and figure out the coding for my project, I've been watching movie instead. Here's my list of movies that I watched during my lazybumness:

1. Taxi Driver
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
3. Goodfellas
4. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

And all of these are very good movies. I must admit that with all these movies that I watched, I felt very enlightened. I can let out a sigh of contentment after each one. Thank God for great movies. I seemed to like 'challenging' movies...you know, like the movies that is NOT for entertainment purposes, but really challenging and disturbing. Challenge your mind and disturb them at the same time. Muahahahaha sound evil, doesn't it?

If you wanna get your brain fucked around and really test it out, you should watch Taxi Driver, Eternal Sunshine and Goodfellas. There's a lot more...but I can't think of anything else at the time. Another one is Requiem For A Dream...this one I watched at tv-links a long time ago and I haven't download it on my pc. One of the reasons is that after I watched it for the first time, I swear I can never watch it again. So I don't even care to download it. Please watch for yourself, and you'll understand exactly what I felt.

Now I'm gonna ramble on about what I think of the movies listed above. First is Taxi Driver. Great movie with shocking ending. I have no idea this is the movie where the quote is very popular. This is actually the movie where DeNiro said "You talkin' to me?" repeatedly. Hahaha I was excited when I found out during the movie.

The second one, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, is officially in my favorites now. I love this movie so much! It's so touching, far from the science fiction facade. Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet is so convincing as couples in this movie. They're just too cute and adorable. You must watch this if you're my friend!!!

Goodfellas. What more can I say? Voted number one movie ever! I usually don't like mafia or mobster films, but this is actually great! Lotsa funny moments in it...not just seriousness and killing spree. To top it off, it's actually based on real persons. I watched this again this afternoon...haha after discovering that I missed the fucking class ;)

And Fast Times at Ridgemont High is an old school high school movie. I think it's just plain old teenage movies. But a lot more talented kids la...and I got to see Sean Penn as a youngster playing a surfer dude on dope. LOL too funny I think, considering he is always serious in his recent roles.

OK that's all from me. I sucked at reviews. so I just write about what I personally feel about the movies. There's a lot more movies on my lappie that I didn't watched yet...coz either it's too heavy or gory, or I'm scared to see it at the moment. Bye!

wtf

Today I woke up late again! What's happening to me? I've skipped so many of my morning class...I lost count already. In fact, what's even bothering me out the most is that I actually have woken up at 5 am...and out of all the things that I could do, I watched a fricken movie on my lappie. Yup! And after that movie, it was almost 7 am...and guess what? I went back to sleep. Fucking A! I kept saying, "I'll sleep another 5 mins and that's it"...but I dunno how many hundred times I hit the snooze button. Until I woke up an hour after the class ends. Waaaaaaaaaaa what's wrong with me???!! Even though the lecturer is lenient on attendance, but I actually don't care about the attendance. I'm afraid I have so much to catch up on since I didn't attend the class.

I'd better change my habits fast!

HiHih

Yesterday I caved. I ate a heaping plate of rice and big piece of fried chicken for lunch, and a heaping polystrine of kuey teow for dinner. Waaaa I dunno why I did it! Well, as I thought about it, it may be attributed with my nerves. I had a presentation that same day.. and I was a nervous wreck!

Anyway it went okay. Still need improvement though. And my ears are burning for some reason during my presentation. But I didn't stutter! Thank goodness!

Bye

Beginning Is The End Is The Beginning

I'm at the library now...just finished discussion with my group members. The wifi here is very good! Unlike my college!

So here I am, when I once said that nobody can interrupt my weekends. Hahaha I actually felt selfish, looking back at that post. I have to sacrifice something to get things done. So now, I'm sacrificing my weekend. But I'm pretty sure next week I'll be coming home. Yeah.

Another news: I'm starting a diet. I'm dieting again! Woohoo! After how many years of no control whatsoever about what's going in my body. I wanna take control of my life. To tell you the truth, I actually wanna be an anorexic. Starve myself, go on a liquid fast. But, I can't do that...I dunno, maybe it's because of my conscience or my logical thinking. So, no you don't have to worry. But I will limit myself to eating vege more than my rice. And avoid fried chicken and meat. I'm taking a six meal a day diet...in which I'll eat six small meals instead of three large main meals. Umm...yeah that's about it.

I dunno how to count the calories that I consumed, so I dunno what my daily target is. But I bet around 1000 kcal is good. My weight now is 120 something kg...I dunno for sure coz the scale can't cope with it. Embarrassing right? :(

SO my goal is to get down till 80 kg by July. Yep...I'm pretty sure that's realistic enough. But I don't care much about reaching that particular goal coz I'm doing this to make myself lighter and healthier. It's high time for me to start this shit, rather than to wait for a miracle to happen. It's not like I can be supermodel thin overnight; like suddenly I woke up and my thighs don't touch each other no more. It won't! So I gotta stop kidding myself and get to work. And sooner or later I'll eventually be healthy and slimmer.

So this marks as my starting point to getting thin. It's true when old people said, the hardest part of anything is to begin it. It's hard to get something started, but once it starts, it gets easier and easier. (At least, lets hope so!)

OK toodles...I'll keep it posted if I lose something!

meoawwwwwwwwww

It seemed like I was too quick to compliment on the wireless thingy. In the middle of surfing, it went out on me! I shoulda known better not to puji something early on...Almost always they will eff up right after. =)

By the way, I'm down at the cafe just to get the internet. And it's because I suddenly remembered the due date of my library books is today...and so I wanted to renew it online. And later I'd have to carry my heavy self back upstairs 4 storeys up...Haih berat...berat!

how

I dunno...lately (these days) I have urges to write in this blog. Like, I suddenly have many ideas and things to ramble about. I will suddenly have this thought...and then I immediately open blogger or notepad to write. But I have a thought that I don't think I will write here coz it's offensive and embarrassing for me. But I have to let it out! Help!

old news la

Hi...this should be written long ago, but I overlooked it..ahaha. I have wireless in my room! My hostel's wireless system used to be crappy...and people have to pay for it. If it was crappy but free, it's tolerable. But crappy AND expensive, that's just too much.

But this week, I discovered that the signal strength is excellent. And I was surprised. And then I read a notice downstairs saying that the technician came to fix the wireless problems last week! SO I immediately went to the office and request for the service. And here I am...enjoying internet in my room. Although it's kinda slow and sluggish...wireless is slower la compared to LAN. But I'm not complaining.

The only problem is that I became an internet addict. I mean, I can't bring myself to do anything else besides surfing the net! This is what I don't like about myself. I could've read my books, my 3 novels that I've prepared to read, and my project work!!! I can't help myself, folks. Hmmmmmmm...

what's a gal to do?

I've been reunited with mIRC after quitting it at age 16. I dunno why...but I missed the old days. Even though it brought me much pain at the time. I missed having a community of friends that is virtual, yet seemed like close friends. But now I'm kinda disappointed, coz I can't find any of my old friends. We used to hang out at channel #boyfriend...don't ask me about the name...haha. There wasn't much people there, but the small amount of people who frequented the channel became close, you know. We even have our own website...I even got my pic in there. But it's all gone now. If you have read my old blog, you will know why I quit the mIRC. There's so much pretentious ppl there. And my internet boyfriend (yes I have one...gasp!) was a cheating bastard. His name is Salman and I used to tease him by calling him Salman Khan...huhmm how is him now...maybe he has a family, who knows.

Rite now, I've given up finding my old mates. In fact, I hated the place, coz most of the ones who private me wants to have cybersex only! Not that I don't know that, I know it all too well from my experience. Back then I kinda liked it...haha I mean I can still tolerate. I will lie about my appearance...give them fuckers a fake photo when the asked (and they always do...first thing after asl) and then roleplaying. I disn't mind. But now...I can't stand it! I ignored all of my private chats just now. I'm sick of these fuckers who always ask "Do you have cam?""Tell me what you look like" "I can cure your boredness with my magic" and much more pickup lines that made me wanna puke! I dunno why I like em in the olden days. Haihhh...

So now, mIRC is like crap for me. But...I know one place I won't get kacau-ed by horny men. And it's in the trivia channels! I love playing trivia. Well, sometimes I get beaten and feel like an idiot, but it's fun! And no one disturbed me with their horny thoughts. That's the good thing about trivia. So now, I'm mainly there playing trivia and not looking for love. Or cyber sex. I have no mood to entertain these losers ;)

Hmm come to think of it, last night a guy at the trivia room had tried to swoon me...I almost forgot about that. At first, I think maybe he's not one of them jerks coz he knows me from the trivia and he played with me and said wd and gj (well done, good job) so I see him as a colleague or something. And then he asked for my picture. And he said do you have messanger? And I said yeah. We sambung there la. And then he viewed my pic and said you're pretty (he was lying obviously) and I looked at his pic and said you're cute (I was half lying...he was cute, not gorgeous hehe) and then he went quiet. And with my vast experience, I knew he was a jerk. And today I encountered him online and he didn't even say hi to me. Obviously he thinks I'm ugly and then not worthy of a relationship. I know lah. Well it's his loss. He's ugly too anyways muahahahhhhhha!

for the sake

Today is the last day of my weekend and 4 days break. How sad. My work is not done yet...how typical of me...sigh.

However, my guitar playing is looking promising. Compared to last year and when I went into a guitar-hiatus. I sure hope to be able to play whole songs. So far, I can only play 1 song completely for start to finish. And I'm damn proud of that! =)))

See...I put much more effort in playing the guitar and researching stupid things rather than studying. And I'd rather search for music and learn to sing it rather than learning to program MySQL for my group project...What is becoming of me??? I seem to have no control to my actions. Why is that?

I have no idea.

.hrvgjt.

Life is good.
Going back in 1 day!

what's new this week

This Week...I did:

Borrowed 3 books from Library - Stories We Could Tell by Tony Parsons (seem like boring...huu), Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman (Tori Amos' close friend!!!!), and The New Book of Rock Lists by Dave Marsh (I can't believe they have books like this!). So I'm occupied in my bedroom...no more thinking of what to do... :)

This week my group project and leader didn't gave me much trouble. And that's a very good thing. OK I don't wanna puji banyak2 coz nanti mesti something goes wrong if I puji banyak2!

Last night it was very clear that my music class friend, G was having a crush on that "nice and down to earth" guitarist! His mane is Zul, we discovered that last night oso. Lol she's blushing...how sweet. And the singer of the band I think have a crush on the drummer...Zahid. I must admit that I have realized that a long time ago. I like to observe people, so I know. Muahaha! And he's handsome too...but I'm not attracted la. I dunno why nowadays I don't have any crush whatsoever. I was more gatal when I was in highschool. Now it's the oppisite, coz as a young adult you're supposed to be more interested in dating! Ahahahaaaaaaaa not me though!

Aaaaaaaannnnndddddddd.......

Meet the Spartan SUCKS ASS! Don't watch it! I only watched 5 minutes of it and I feel like I'm gonna puke. I just can't watch it it's gut-wrenchingly stupid, bad, and gross. DON'T WATCH IT!!! Dee watched it last night and she said it was ok. IT'S NOT OKAY!!! I think I almost jeopardized my friendship with her. OKBYE!